My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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