Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
