I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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