Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
