I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
