no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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