Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
