I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
