how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize