Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
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