I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
