mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize