when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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