Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
