Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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