This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
