i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
