I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
