i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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