I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
