When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
