i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
