i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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