I just cut my nipple shaving
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
