at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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