my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish i was in the wii world.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
