I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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