i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
