please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
