I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
