Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
