Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
