You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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