He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
