Banned from zoo.
Again?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize