im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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