I wish my penis had an off switch
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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