Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
