Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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