capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
