she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I checked into jail on foursquare
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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