Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
