There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
