you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
