Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
