Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
