After last night, I could never be a politician.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
