I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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