He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
