Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
