How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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