DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
