Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
