i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How external is "for external use only"?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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