im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
