forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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