so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
