Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
MIDGETS
????
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
