she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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