We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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