go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
