Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
