So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
