Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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