My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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