maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Boobs are out for the taking
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
