Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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