I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
