I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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