the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have grass duct taped all over my body
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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