Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
