sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
