I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
