theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize