guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
