I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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