I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
