He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
